Journal Entry: Fri Oct 19, 2012, 4:48 PM
Hey there. I'm CC, GenderAmbiguousInc... that's who you know I am, at least. I'm bubbly, energetic, forever smiling and happy~! I'm just a ball of happiness, always happy..
That's actually a lie... I actually don't smile.. not at all. I'm not happy, I'm not energetic, I don't even speak. I can type happiness, I can pretend, but it's a lie. In all actuality, I'm a mentally and emotionally unstable doormat who craves the company of people. I spit out drawings like a social machine just to get a buzz of attention, even if it is for a day.. it's just who I am. I will go through anything to have at least one person know I'm alive.. know I actually existed. Everything about me, art, speech.. There's no heart in it, at all. I put myself through a lot of torture and shit just to keep people in my life, that's how much I want to be something to someone.
As long as I'm something, I can live. That's the reason I draw.. It's a terrible reason, and I know it.. but that's just who I am, and I thought I'd just share that with you.
So, there you have it. The pathetic artist that prayed for love like a dirty street beggar. No better than a prostitute.. but that's life for me.